Life and Loves

ora and Noah returned this past Wednesday afternoon. They had been gone long enough to grow a few inches and get screwed up emotionally. Fortunately, they are still great kids.

We have a few weeks at home together before school starts back for me and the kids. We got the pool set up and have gone in a few times despite the rainy weather. School supplies are super cheap right now and I look forward to this time of year of buying new shoes and backpacks and getting ready for that first day of school.

I noticed something between when the kids were gone and when they returned. While they were gone I felt empty and purposeless. The things I was passionate about got put to the back of my mind and I began to doubt that I could give birth naturally (hey- if there are drugs why not take them if it stops the pain?). When the kids returned a piece of myself that was lost returned, the piece that tells me that I am a strong woman and there are important things in this world to be passionate about. All of a sudden I knew that I could deliver this baby naturally whether or not Jason was fully on board with the whole idea. I’m not sure if my identity is wrapped up in being a mother or if my children are simply a physical reminder of all I have accomplished and the changes I have gone through in my life. Either way, I am happy they are home.

I told the kids that evening that we were having a baby. Nora would like a sister and thought the baby would be here that night. Noah would like a brother and asked if he could name him. (Braun was his first choice, umm, no.) It’s hard especially with Noah when the kids return from their father’s house because Patrick tells them things he shouldn’t. I then have to correct Noah’s thinking as best I can because to allow him to go on believing (what I will call *ahem* lies) is not only cruel, but irresponsible. Sigh.

They did have a good time in Colorado camping and playing with their stepbrother. I know it’s good that they get time with Patrick while they are little. I wonder in what ways having this new baby will change our lives.

*Warning! This is going to be a very whiny post!

wake up in the morning and quite possibly still feel like P. Diddy because I want to puke. I choke down toast or something and sit on the couch ALL DAY. The kids are gone and moving literally hurts. I can smell every little thing as clear as day and let me tell you, it all stinks. I try to eat small meals, but have found no remedies to this awful morning (ha!) sickness that lasts all day. Ginger, tea, peppermint, preggie pops, nothing helps ease the roller coaster in my tummy.

Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who will pick up the house, make his own dinner and forces me to buy random things like nuts at the grocery store (a once loved outing I now abhor).

I keep telling him it’s a girl because this is how sickly I was with Nora. I remember feeling perfectly fine when I was pregnant with Noah. We had thought to keep the gender a surprise, but I think we’ll probably find out (in about 3 months). This will make a few knitter’s happy and I’d like for Jason to see the ultrasound anyway.

At this point I am almost 8 weeks along and am comforted (slightly) by this nausea because it means the baby is getting good hormones and there is statistically less chance of a miscarriage. I’m counting down the days in hopes that this sickness will leave my body around the second trimester. I’m no longer at Starbucks since puking is not conducive to serving customers coffee and speed is no longer my middle name. My manager was surprisingly really cool about the situation even though he is male and could never fully understand the havoc this baby is wreaking on my body. I almost bought this book entitled, “Pregnancy Sucks” at the book store the other day, but I know deep down this too shall pass. Although, I frequently tell Jason that his baby is being mean to me. He’s so proud. :o) He still has a hard time actually saying the word “pregnant”, but he asks how the baby is doing and treats me gently as always. I am one lucky woman to have such a great husband.

irst things first- where are we having this baby and who is going to deliver it?

My first two babies were born in the hospital. Noah in Brandon and Nora in Titusville Pennsylvania. I went many hours before getting the epidural with Noah and wanted the epidural immediately with Nora. I liked and disliked many things about delivering in a hospital. In Titusville the hospital was small and I was the only one delivering that morning. I had the same nurse most of the entire labor and it was so quiet. I remember pushing and in between pushes a complete silence, as if everyone were holding their breath.

I have since developed an appreciation for doing things a more natural way. Eating organic produce and foods with less additives. Cleaning with products that I could eat if I really wanted to… Using products that are not harmful on my familily’s skin and hair. It makes sense that this would carry over into what I’d like for the new babies birth. We have a birthing center in Lakeland called Labor of Love I know of a few friends who have had their babies there and they loved it. The Midwives have been there for many years. I started going there before Patrick and I moved to PA and I liked it, but I think I will like it more now that I am older and understand what I want and the role of a midwife a little better.

Another thing I have been contemplating is cloth diapers. I had a difficult time with the chemicals irritating Nora in traditional diapers, not to mention the expense of diapers on a weekly basis. Cloth diapers seem to be making a comeback what with the impact on the environment (holy moly that’s a lot of diapers in the landfills) and I have gotten some very good information from friends who have used them (thanks Viv!). They can also be quite stylish. :o)

It’s exciting to think about all of this stuff. I’m still a little weary of a miscarriage though; I assume that’s natural, but with each subsequent pregnancy the odds get higher. I’m taking care of myself and can’t wait to tell the kids when they get home. Only 25 more days to go! I’m not counting down or anything…

arly yesterday morning I felt a little…er…off. My tummy was upset in a familiar way and was just as I suspected; I’m pregnant.

Coincidentally, it just happened to be Jason’s Birthday the day I found out. How to tell him? Hmmm… My bright idea was to hide the test in his gift bag. A card, shirt and positive pregnancy test- great gift, eh? I didn’t exactly get the response I had imagined, but at least he wasn’t angry. Flabbergasted perhaps? You see, I had been trying to convince Jason that we should start trying next month to ensure that I would not be having a summer or fall baby. It is unbearably hot here during those months and is a little crowded at the end of the year with birthdays and holidays. He was just about to agree, when (surprise) it turns out I’m already pregnant! Ha! It took about a day or so to sink in, but he seems happy. He keeps looking at me funny, like he’s trying to see if I’m different yet. I definitely am, but mostly on the inside. ;o)

We’ve started telling folks, but it’s difficult to do with no cell service near the house. If this is the first you’ve heard, then you probably don’t have a Facebook account either. lol

I’m due around the end of February and have already started with the other symptoms, starving and then nauseous, peeing ten times (at least) a day, fatigue. I woke Jason up at 5am (my usual time to wake up) this morning hoping he would cook me breakfast. He wasn’t too excited about it and suggested toast. :o) This is going to be fun.

o say that I was sad to see the kids go to their dad’s for the summer would be an understatement. The feeling of emptiness I had while walking back to my car after dropping them off with Patrick was overwhelming. I am not loving working for Starbucks again and the house is too quiet. Depression has quickly set in. My days have been spent reading the Twilight Saga and watching (sortof) TV and movies. I would normally be running straight home after work to pick up Noah from school, but now… I could sit at Starbucks all day if I wanted too. That may sound like a dream to some, but to me it was a bit of a nightmare. I enjoy picking up Noah and I did not feel that I needed a break from them. Maybe a date night sure, but not two months off of mom-duty. Although our trip to NC alone was lovely, the kids can come home now.

Jason has been working a lot too. We finally did get a date night this past Friday evening, but I had to be home early to work at 6am the next morning. We still had a good time at Carrabba’s for dinner and catching the flick Killers. Going to the movies is a real treat, but dinner and a movie in the same night?? WOOT! lol It helped lift my mood a bit. I try to make myself get out of the house, but have yet to knit anything. That to me is the sign of depression. Not doing things I love. Yesterday, after church, my mom and I went shopping. It is rare to hang out with my mom without the kiddos, so we enjoyed the quietness of going to grownup stores without screaming children. We were searching for presents for Jason’s Birthday and found a few items for ourselves. I think doing something out of the ordinary routine and treating myself to a cute shirt and a much-needed new pair of sunglasses helped dig me out a little bit more. Slowly but surely I am beginning to feel like myself again. I’m not there yet, but I’m feeling better.

Sadly, Noah won’t talk to me. Nora wants to come home and doesn’t understand why I haven’t come to pick her up yet, but maybe they are also settling in too. I’m still making bets that they won’t last month in Colorado, but we’ll see. Supposedly they have plans for camping and the zoo and something called Wild Adventures? I’ve never been to Colorado, but my aunt goes twice a year or more, so I know it is beautiful. I hope the kids are being well taken care of and filling up on time with their dad. They do miss him too when they are with me.

highlight of our trip to NC was the white water rafting trip we took on the Nantahala River. We did it last summer and decided to do it again this year. This is a pic of those of us that went last year as you may remember:

Jason decided to take an old camera with him to get some shots of us before the climax of the falls. Here is a slideshow of the fun we had:

n the third day of our trip we decided to go horseback riding and to explore a bit of the area surrounding Franklin besides Asheville. Our first stop was in Franklin to visit their farmer’s market, or tailgating as they call it. It was very neat to see everyone’s produce knowing they grew it all themselves as well as their choices in herbs and plants. They had beautiful Dahlia’s for $6! Too bad the Florida heat would kill them immediately. :o(

We only drove about 30 miles before we found Stonemont Stable where we would ride horses. This was Jason’s first time and it has been a while for me, so we decided that the allotted hour would be plenty of time. Sadly we have no pictures of this trip, but we still had fun. Jason’s horse was a light brown and his name was Roach. You could not have paid me to ride a horse named Roach. *shiver* My horse was much taller than the others and all black. His name was Ahab and I was told to kick him often because he “likes to take his time”. I could not bring myself to kick him very hard except for the time or two that he stopped or almost completely lost our group. We were the last horse and rider and I tried to imagine what it was like when this was our only mode of transportation. The other four horses (Jason’s included) walked practically attached to the horses butt in front of them while Ahab stayed back at least 10 feet. That’s as far away as we were supposed to be, so maybe Ahab is a rule follower? This trail, up the mountain, was very different then the dirt paths I’ve taken in Florida. It was covered in large stones the entire trail and included a crossing of two very cold rivers. I felt a bit like Ahab was perhaps new at this when he first glimpsed the river and stopped abruptly. He also was a bit unsteady on the downhill, so much so, that I took to giving him a bit of encouragement to make myself feel better about his abilities. Just before we reached the end of the trail the horses decided that it was time for a pee break, so we got to witness that first hand. The smell was AWFUL and we had to endure it while another group started their trek up the mountain before we could make our way back down the same trail. :o) A wonderful experience, but not one we plan to repeat often.

As we were waiting for our turn we were told of an old church we could explore just done the road. It was beautiful and we were able to get pictures of it. Included in the slideshow below is the fun pics we took on our way to NC this trip.

y heart was heavy as we left early Wednesday morning for NC, but we took our time and slowly I began to perk up. We finally made it to Franklin at about 830pm. We normally drive through the night so it was a big change and we were able to hang out for a bit and play some 4-player Mario before we went to bed.

This morning we got up early (but not too early) and Jason did some family stuff while Corrine (my new Mother-in-Law) and I headed into town to take the Lace knitting class. It was pretty full, so only I actually took the class, but we did a little shopping afterward. The class was my first and was very nice. I learned the knit cast-on (cable cast-on) method and started reading my first chart! It was pretty simple once I caught on, but lace is serious business. First of all, I can’t tell a knit from a purl once it has been done, so if I get in a bind and don’t have enough stitches left or too many it’s not going to be fun figuring out what I did wrong. The yarn I picked out is a beautiful light blue Alpaca Lace and so very thin. The yarn calls for a size 2 needle and I’m using a 6.

The teacher explained that knitting lace is like raising children, it doesn’t look like much until you’re almost finished. Actually, it looks like a tangled mess, but I can see the beginnings of a lovely scarf.

The beginnings of my lace scarf

The day was spent eating wings for lunch and ice cream for dessert before retiring back to the house to play some more Mario with Sheena. :o) We got the making for Enchiladas, which I have been craving for months, but due to our lack of oven have been unable to make. I hope they like it!

etting prepared for the kids to leave is so bittersweet. On one hand I do not look forward to seeing them go next Wednesday, but on the other hand we leave for North Carolina the following morning. We have lots planned for this trip including some hiking, white water rafting, and hopefully some knit-tastic education.

I contacted the owners of Silver Threads and Golden Needles in Franklin and I am on the list for the Lace class. She was also very encouraging about being able to answer any questions I have about the looms. I wish I had time to take a class for that too, but I’m trying to resist cramming too much into our short stay. We are debating on taking a trip to Asheville, NC, the nearest big city to Franklin. They have a store that offers inexpensive spinning classes. I want to be introduced to this aspect of knitting; what seems like advanced knowledge, but this also may be something that I’ll have to plan for another trip.

I have lost my second skein of yarn for Jason’s hat, so it looks like Noah will be the coolest kid on the block (or ridiculed) with a hat his mama made him. I’m using some of my Japanese Noro yarn, which is a bit different than anything I have worked with so far. It doesn’t have much give, but the color is sensational. It looks pretty wound, and even prettier knit. I added a strip to the gray hat, but have run out of gray, so the top of the hat is destined to be orange. I learned a new stitch for this pattern, ssk (slip, slip, knit), it has a different effect than the knitting two together (K2tog). Neat huh? lol

When we moved in together we decided that Jason would do the dishes and I would do the laundry. That was over a year ago and we have come to detest our particular chores and have decided to switch.

The kitchen is now much cleaner because I believe that the last step in washing the dishes is to clean the sink and the counters (and sometimes the stove) and Jason has decided that he will spend all weekend doing laundry and line drying most of our clothes.

As a result, we have added a compost bin for my kitchen scraps and Jason is designing a much larger clothesline. We’re so productive during the summer! :o)