Life and Loves

ark and rainy. That’s how the past few days have been. It’s 10:30am and I need the lamp on in order to write this.

Noah started 1st grade on Monday. I was so worried because he really did not enjoy Kindergarten and was nervous about going back, but he loves it! I’m hoping he continues to love it. The teacher (I am finding) makes the difference. Nora is now in VPK learning her letters. She is in Ms. Wanda’s class with the big kids. I can’t believe that next year they will both be riding the bus to school in the morning. Just imagining it freaks me out a little. Nora is serious about her studies and I can tell that education is clearly becoming a value in our home.

I started school on Tuesday. What I was most worried about was eating! They don’t have a cafeteria type thing at Plant City, so I had to bring my lunch and snacks. I started at 1pm and was distracted by 2pm with thoughts of my Nekot crackers sitting in my backpack. By 2:30pm I had eaten almost all of the food (quite a lot) I had brought with me. I have classes until 9pm! I had to go home and eat and grab some change for the vending machines in order to make it through.

Up first was Public Speaking. I have already taken a one credit speech class, so I have a bit of an advantage, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less nervous. I thought we’d have 2 minutes to introduce ourselves, but instead we were given two topics to choose from; summer and friend. Yes, we had to give a speech on the first day. I chose summer and spoke about how fabulous (puking is the best!) my summer was, thus killing two birds with one stone; yes I’m pregnant and fulfilling the acceptable speech requirement for the day. I have to say, I think I did pretty good. The teacher is amazing, she is extremely positive and encouraging, I wish I had had her for english II.

Next was Nutrition and Drugs, my non-science-major science class. This teacher is a little different. Still a nice teacher, but a little strange. He is from New York with a thick accent (“fahget aboudit”) and calls dumb kids Mcfly, a reference to Back to the Future. I’m sure I’ll learn a lot and I get to do a 1500 word research paper on any topic I choose within Nutrition and Drugs. I’m going to do mine on thyroid dysfunction. Exciting right? lol We have lab right after lecture on Tuesday evenings, but I didn’t get to do my Twilight reference with the microscopes since it was just a safety briefing. “prophase”. lol Maybe next week.

I plan to do some Math today. It’s an online class, but I’m so hoping it won’t be as bad as the other online classes I have taken. The teacher seems to be really nice. Can you tell that I like nice teachers? I write the nasty bitches mean emails and I just don’t think I have the energy this semester. One skill I’ll have to cultivate is quick naps in my car on the break I have between classes or covert naps in the library perhaps?

I’m excited, I’m exhausted, I’m starving. That about sums up what this semester will probably be like. :o)

very semester is the same. I start out excited, ready to tackle my new classes, but by midway I am so ready for it to be over with. Then, when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I get motivated again and finish up the semester with good grades and a sigh of relief. That’s where I am now. I see the end. I am motivated (maybe even a little scared that I won’t get it all done) and ready for it to be over. I have about two weeks to go!

I will not be taking Summer classes this year. Hopefully I will be working and not bored out of my mind with the kids gone. I’m glad to see my classes end, but I love learning and know I will be excited to start the Fall semester and finish my degree.

Jason and I have been talking about when to start having babies. It’s a really big decision even though we already have Noah and Nora. The few people I have talked to (people with a lot of life experience) say that I shouldn’t wait for the “perfect” time to have kids. I can tell you that from my experience too. Life is out of our control and the perfect time could turn into the worst time within a month of being pregnant. There are things that I would like… I would like to be pregnant during the winter months. I would like to have the kids be close in age. I would like to be done having kids and finish my B.A. degree before starting my career. There is one major thing that I would also like… I would like for Jason’s business to be a little more established. Once we are pregnant, not only does life get way more expensive, but you can’t be as sacrificial as you once were. I don’t want our family to become a burden that breaks the cart if you know what I mean.

I think I may be a little traumatized from my last two pregnancies. I loved being pregnant, but Patrick and I lived with people, moved to Pennsylvania, lived with more people, couldn’t afford anything, lived with more people and even though I know that things will be more stable with Jason, I don’t want this next pregnancy to be a huge upheaval to our lives. I think that’s what I’m afraid of. As much as I talk about it being “no big thing”, deep down I know that babies are life changing; every time. It is supposed to be life changing in a good way though. We haven’t made any decisions yet, but I am excited to start this new chapter in our lives. Not so excited about pushing out a 10 pound baby, but I’ll think about that at another time. :o)

fter two days of continuously trying to register online, I finally got through today. I am set up for 14 credit hours this Fall which will complete my degree. Thank God.

In Business Communications we are learning about resumes and letters of application. The jobs selection for me is dismal. I will certainly obtain a summer job, but who knows after that because of my limited selection of classes. By the end of the year, I will have a general education degree in mass Communications and will most likely end up being a receptionist somewhere and wanting to claw my eyes out daily from boredom. I will continue on with my education and get my B.A. in Mass Comm, but will that be enough? I think not. Although I plan to raise some babies in the meantime, I think some intentional thought and writing will be needed in order to get a job in that field. Sigh. At this point I can only see the big picture and time will reveal the details of the specific area of Mass Comm I hope to work in and I feel like my “I just want to write” mantra will wear a bit thin come baby number four. Sorry for the pessimism…

I have been wondering about this economic downturn and the resulting job situation. It is obviously very difficult financially for business owners who have been in business awhile (even those household names like Starbucks and Gap who have closed a few stores already), but I wonder about those who are looking for a specific type of work and not finding it. How many of those individuals think to themselves, what if I started my own business? This crazy time of infinite possibilities for work schedules, with people working in different offices, cities, or countries all for the same business may give people deciding to start their own business infinite ways to do just that. I marvel at the fact that you don’t even have to own a physical piece of hardware anymore to have your own server. You don’t have to have a phone line to have a “landline” and you definitely don’t have to have an office to have your own business. While I don’t exactly enjoy this time of survival, I think that good things are coming and I’m not just talking about things turning around for the economy. A change in perception, a paradigm shift if you will, is happening in this country and I for one am learning to like it.

chool has been a major investment of my time for about two years now. I have been working on my A.S. in Office Management. I originally started in that direction because of the opportunity to work in Jason’s company and it is something I thought I would be good at. I am not, however, interested in being a receptionist. I know from experience that I am not a good administrative assistant. Sitting meekly in a chair answering phone calls all day would cause me to gouge my eyeballs out with a spoon!

Sadly, a receptionist position is pretty much all that is available right now in the short list of jobs in my area on Monster. The office management jobs require four year degrees and I would need someone to take a chance that I would be able to do what is required with only an A.A. With so many people out of work and taking jobs they are over qualified for, the chances of someone under qualified getting the job is very slim, but not impossible.

Another obstacle, is the classes needed to finish my office management degree are spread out for the next three terms (including summer). The classes I have left are Economics, Business Law, International Office Protocol, Word Processing and Forms Design. I have been doing a lot of writing and revising lately which I enjoy immensely. The classes I have enjoyed the most have been classes like Business Communications that teach you how to write and communicate better in business. This passion for writing and the hesitation to continue with office management lead me to do a little research into what degrees I could get given the classes I have already taken, even if only an A.A. in Liberal Arts.

I had thought about Mass Communications before, but knew it would require further schooling in order to do anything with it. I looked at it again and realized how close I was to obtaining that degree. I figured I could do just as much if not more with an A.A. in Mass Comm than an A.S. in Office Management. The classes still needed for that degree are, Nutrition and Drugs (Biology), Philosophy, my second math, Public Speaking, and a 6 week discussion course that is mostly a topical writing course. All of these classes are offered in the Fall of 2010 and can be taken in Plant City. Which means I wouldn’t be driving to Ybor everyday. The courses also sound a heck of a lot more interesting!

I talked to an adviser yesterday on my way home from Ybor and she double-checked my calculations and I decided to change my major. I feel better about this degree and hope to continue my education. I may stick with Mass Comm or I may choose another path, but I am certain it will have something to do with writing.

Noah started Cub Scouts in January. There were two holidays, so he didn’t do much, but he did get the rules for his first Pinewood Derby Car Race.

I looked in the box for the “parts” and it had four nails, 4 wheels, and a wood block. Mmmkay. (I’m new to this) Jason explained that he and Noah would design the car and cut it out of the wood, paint and race it. My reply was “that is all you”.

Separating from Patrick and getting divorced was difficult financially. I was blessed enough to have a $10 and hour job and help from the state. I had very few choices. I HAD to work, therefore I HAD to put the kids in daycare. I HAD to make more money for the future of my family, so I HAD to go to school. Life was very simple. I HAD to stay home most of the time because I did not have a vehicle, so it made taking care of the house much easier. I did a lot of things because these things needed to be done and I was the only one doing them.

Life changed and got more complicated. We live with Jason now, operating as a family. I still work and I still go to school, but I can now (and sometimes must) take night classes. There is someone else responsible for keeping the house clean besides myself. My job has changed. I have a very flexible schedule at work, but am responsible for more in job duties and feel more responsible in the fact that it is now a family business and both Jason and I’s livelihood. Also, Noah started Kindergarten.

I guess the HAVE to is decreasing. I don’t HAVE to work so much and I don’t HAVE to take as many classes. Jason takes very good care of us. I need to work to pay my bills and I want my degree sooner rather than later (plus I still receive the Pell Grant and won’t forever). I am struggling a little bit with choosing my course load. I wanted to be done earlier than the projected 2013 and have tried to take on more and more classes each semester. I am finding that it takes away from every other aspect of my home life for me to take on so much. It is a sacrifice I am willing to make if I have to, but I don’t necessarily HAVE to. Noah stays after school in Kidcare until I can pick him up after work, which is usually after 5pm. We get home cook dinner, bath, bed. Every night. There isn’t a whole lot of time together. Weekends are spent finishing up homework not because I put it off, but because it takes most every night and all weekend to get it done. That doesn’t leave much time for housework or quality time with the family. Thankfully I can do laundry sporadically and Jason takes care of the dishes every night!

I could take Noah out of Kidcare and pick him up at 3pm every day after school. It would cut my hours back and would mean that I would be the only one able to pick him up after school. Jason would not be able guarantee that he would be done working that early and it is not in his best interest to quit working that early anyway. My reasoning is that Noah is super tired after school and emotionally drained from such a long day. I also want to be more available to him. He is getting older and if I am going to be of any influence it won’t be during the dinner, bath, bed routine. Even as I write that I know it sounds ridiculous. I know that he knows I love him and I am available to him if he needs me. If I worked for another company I would be working 8-5 and there would not even be an option of picking Noah up early. I wonder if it is just the classic case of trying to be a mom and a wife and have a career? Trying to balance it all? It annoys me that all Jason needs to think about and prioritize is his business and himself. He doesn’t see anything wrong with the kids being in daycare all day long. Nora, of course, is fine and will be fine. She’s happy if you just hug her lots and read her a story or ten. Something happens, though, as they get older. A hug isn’t enough. Perhaps things are just adjusting? Something I will continue to roll around in my mind…

Noah and Nora both need new shoes. Noah wears size 13! I can’t believe it! We have now graduated to shopping in the youth section for clothes and shoes. He is growing up so quickly as is Nora.

I wanted to get some good quality shoes, so I went to an actual shoe store instead of Target. My kids blow through shoes like crazy. We were in the shoe store browsing and I was happy that it was still doing the BOGO like every other shoe store, but noticed that the prices had jumped about $20. Hmm… The fact that it is what I’m thinking of as shoe season made me head right back over to target. I’ll pay $20 for a pair of good-enough shoes over $50-$60 for a better quality pair. Their feet are still growing for goodness sakes!

We picked out our shoes and got things like PJ’s for Nora and boxer briefs for Noah…isn’t that funny?? Boxer briefs. With Robots on them- so cool. :-P We have orientation for Noah tomorrow night. That is if I can get all the paperwork together and get him enrolled first. Thankfully I just have to bring every document a kid might have and don’t have to travel to the school board or anything. I went to the lovely SS administration today. It wasn’t a bad wait and they were in a new building, but geez! I felt like I was in line for food stamps or at Wal-Mart.

I woke up at 5am this morning. I pretty much stayed up and realized that it is dark when I “should” be getting up! I should wake up at 630a, but Jason lets me sleep in until 8am usually when the sun is out and it’s the beginning of a beautiful day. Oh how I love that man! He really wants to make breakfast for me, but it is so hard to eat straight away. Anyway. I’m still trying to get my act together before school starts and Noah has to be there at 8am. I have a feeling it will be Jason taking him to school most mornings. :-P I start school the same day as Noah, but NOT as early!