Life and Loves

adly, I have no one to talk to about this. I went to my midwife appt this morning. It is my second appt there, besides the orientation. I’m having doubts. The whole “natural childbirth” thing is great. I believe in what they say about it, I have heard birth stories supporting these theories and the horror stories about 50% c-section rates at hospitals nowadays. I feel well informed.

I fainted the other day, which is pretty normal for me, and the midwife “on-call” didn’t get back to us. When Jason called her for the 4th time a couple of hours later she acted perturbed for being disturbed. What if I was dying?? I had her today for my appt and I didn’t like her (surprise, surprise). Most of the ladies I’ve met (besides the student) are very stern. Administratively, they make mistakes left and right. Now, I know that administration has nothing to do with birthing babies, but it doesn’t help me to trust them very well. I’m having doubts. Maybe I LIKE doctors. Maybe I WANT drugs. Hmm? Isn’t that MY prerogative since I’m the one having to push this baby out!? :o(

People I have talked to rave about their experience at Labor of Love, but I’m not sure it is right for me. I thought that I would feel good or somehow “right” during my visits, but it doesn’t. I’m uncomfortable. Sigh. I want the best of both worlds and I’m not going to get it. I’m freaking out a little. Jason isn’t helping because I got him all hyped up about a natural childbirth and now I’m betraying him for possibly changing my mind. I feel crazy. Pregnancy makes you crazy. I’m going to school now…

ust the thought of going into the grocery store makes me want to curl into the fetal position and whimper like a puppy. The thought of having Jason go and come back with God knows what urges me onward to Publix at least twice a week, kids in tow, cause it’s Summer!

Before I was pregnant, the choices I made at the grocery store were informed and healthy. I frequented the organic section as much as possible and made sure to choose items with the best standards of food labels. Now, if I think I might eat it, it goes in the cart. I eat chocolate chip eggos, pizza rolls, cookies, and today I put jello snacks in my cart at the urging of my 6-year-old. I am defenseless against his “oooh, I really like ______ let’s get it!” Jason is ecstatic because he’s been eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Reeses Puffs for the last few weeks; items that would have normally been banned from the house. I’m just happy to make it through the store without fainting or puking. I still manage to make somewhat healthy dinners, but on nights I can’t Jason makes Hamburger Helper and when it comes to snacks, almost anything goes. :oP

I told Noah today that once I’m feeling better, it’s back to healthy foods, but I’m not so sure. Today we snacked on a jar of olives. yes, the entire (albeit small) jar. I know I need to take in more calories and I feel like I’m eating more…junk, but it’s this ravenous need to feed the monster that is new. I hope that means that I am creeping towards that glorious second trimester of sunshine, lolipops and rainbows.

I’ll be 12 weeks on Monday for those of you wanting to keep count. I’ve gotten three different due dates now, but you can almost count on this kid coming the week of February 20th. I would really like a girl, but a few things that have happened have me thinking it might be a boy. I was thinking Henry until Noah told me not to name it after a chicken (hen-ry). Everyone is a little more excited now that we’ve been to the midwife. I personally can’t wait for the Ultrasound. Turtle or hamburger, what will it be? :o)

e had our first midwife appt today. I was really looking forward to it mostly because I knew we might get to hear the baby’s heartbeat.

We (Jason, Noah, Nora and I) got there a half hour early to fill out the mound of paperwork before my actual appt. I first talked to Charlie (the midwife assistant) with her nose and lip ring and cute tattoos who was very nice and comical as she explained the procedure of peeing in a cup for each visit, testing my urine and then weighing myself. She then proceeded to steal 4 vials of blood. After that I met Amanda and Char-Lyn the student midwife and the owner of Labor of Love. I really liked Amanda. She is easy going and pleasant. The owner is very knowledgeable, but stern in a motherly way.

The kids were good, waiting somewhat patiently, and the last thing we did was search for the heartbeat. Even though I have been through this process twice before it is always a bit awkward climbing on the table and lifting up my shirt. We could immediately hear my slow methodical heartbeat, but finding the baby’s was a bit of a challenge. There was a chance we wouldn’t find it at all this visit, but we patiently waited while they slid the Doppler and cold jelly all over the lower part of my belly (so cold!).

Finally, we heard a quiet, yet quick rhythm that was most certainly not my own heartbeat. It was slower than I was expecting, only about 130 bpm or so, but it swelled my heart to finally have confirmation of the life growing inside me. I looked to Jason to see his reaction which, as usual and so like him, was quiet and contemplative to say the least. I’m sure the heartbeat will be louder and stronger in 4 weeks at our next visit.

And so it begins! :o)

*Warning! This is going to be a very whiny post!

wake up in the morning and quite possibly still feel like P. Diddy because I want to puke. I choke down toast or something and sit on the couch ALL DAY. The kids are gone and moving literally hurts. I can smell every little thing as clear as day and let me tell you, it all stinks. I try to eat small meals, but have found no remedies to this awful morning (ha!) sickness that lasts all day. Ginger, tea, peppermint, preggie pops, nothing helps ease the roller coaster in my tummy.

Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who will pick up the house, make his own dinner and forces me to buy random things like nuts at the grocery store (a once loved outing I now abhor).

I keep telling him it’s a girl because this is how sickly I was with Nora. I remember feeling perfectly fine when I was pregnant with Noah. We had thought to keep the gender a surprise, but I think we’ll probably find out (in about 3 months). This will make a few knitter’s happy and I’d like for Jason to see the ultrasound anyway.

At this point I am almost 8 weeks along and am comforted (slightly) by this nausea because it means the baby is getting good hormones and there is statistically less chance of a miscarriage. I’m counting down the days in hopes that this sickness will leave my body around the second trimester. I’m no longer at Starbucks since puking is not conducive to serving customers coffee and speed is no longer my middle name. My manager was surprisingly really cool about the situation even though he is male and could never fully understand the havoc this baby is wreaking on my body. I almost bought this book entitled, “Pregnancy Sucks” at the book store the other day, but I know deep down this too shall pass. Although, I frequently tell Jason that his baby is being mean to me. He’s so proud. :o) He still has a hard time actually saying the word “pregnant”, but he asks how the baby is doing and treats me gently as always. I am one lucky woman to have such a great husband.

arly yesterday morning I felt a little…er…off. My tummy was upset in a familiar way and was just as I suspected; I’m pregnant.

Coincidentally, it just happened to be Jason’s Birthday the day I found out. How to tell him? Hmmm… My bright idea was to hide the test in his gift bag. A card, shirt and positive pregnancy test- great gift, eh? I didn’t exactly get the response I had imagined, but at least he wasn’t angry. Flabbergasted perhaps? You see, I had been trying to convince Jason that we should start trying next month to ensure that I would not be having a summer or fall baby. It is unbearably hot here during those months and is a little crowded at the end of the year with birthdays and holidays. He was just about to agree, when (surprise) it turns out I’m already pregnant! Ha! It took about a day or so to sink in, but he seems happy. He keeps looking at me funny, like he’s trying to see if I’m different yet. I definitely am, but mostly on the inside. ;o)

We’ve started telling folks, but it’s difficult to do with no cell service near the house. If this is the first you’ve heard, then you probably don’t have a Facebook account either. lol

I’m due around the end of February and have already started with the other symptoms, starving and then nauseous, peeing ten times (at least) a day, fatigue. I woke Jason up at 5am (my usual time to wake up) this morning hoping he would cook me breakfast. He wasn’t too excited about it and suggested toast. :o) This is going to be fun.