Life and Loves

The countdown begins! Just six months to go…

I have the place. I have the photographer. I have the blog. Come see!

http://wedding.fiiirrefly.com/

This beautiful sky greeted us when we got to the condo Friday evening. Months ago we had asked a wonderful lady from church if she would host a small ladies retreat at her beach home. She generously allowed us to come even though there have been some medical issues in her family recently.

We started out with eight possibles going and ended up with five. Regena, Jeanne, Joyce, Kerri and myself left after work Friday evening and headed to the East coast. Our plans were to simply relax and enjoy “God’s Wonders”. We certainly did!

That first night we ventured into town to eat at Yianni’s (a Greek cafe) where we were the last group to leave. We all enjoyed Baklava for dessert and the eggplant was so very yummy! Once we returned most everyone retired to their rooms for the evening. After some awesome oatmeal muffins in the morning, we all got ready to head to the beach.
Saturday was a beautiful day. There were many shells and a few jellyfish washed up onshore. We even found a coconut! After catching up on some reading and soaking up some sun, we decided to check out the pool. The beach was mostly undeveloped and the pool was deserted, so we were it. We didn’t have to share with anybody! We were the epitome of laziness and it was wonderful! Everyone started to get hunger pains, so we decided to pack it up and head to Archie’s, a burger “joint”, and it definitely was a “joint”! We had a bit of live music complete with harmonica and some fantastic wings. It reminded some of the girls of Key West. A sign out front near the pirate read, “No shoes, No shirt, No Problem!”. We had a good time.

One quick stop at Home Goods and we were on our way home. At church on Sunday we noticed evidence that when it comes to applying sunscreen we had better enlist some help! We were very blotchy! I don’t know about the others, but I came back very refreshed. It was nice to get outta town with just us girls. I enjoyed getting to know everyone a bit better and am looking forward to the next time!

Right now, I am….

Making: plans for more knitting
Drinking: Water
Reading: Lots of fabulous blogs
Wanting: To build our house
Looking: for ways to do homework and spend time with my family
Playing: at working
Wasting: away from not eating properly
Sewing: I wish, although I do have some ornamental ideas brewing for Christmas
Wishing: For more time in a day
Enjoying: The planning of the wedding
Waiting: For Jason to make up his mind
Liking: That Fall is almost here
Wondering: If I’ll be able to get a newer car soon
Loving: My family
Hoping: I’ll be able to get a newer car soon ;o)
Marvelling: At how amazing Jason is and how well he takes care of me
Needing: more sleep!
Smelling: The “fresh” scent of Lysol
Wearing: My rock out… shirt
Following: My to-do list
Noticing: The changes in our lives
Knowing: That God works everything to the good…even the bad…
Thinking: About visiting friends and soon to be family
Bookmarking: This shoulder knit thingy
Opening: My brain and pouring in knowledge
Giggling: over stories about hiking trips
Feeling: Ready, for what I don’t know…

I stole this from a lovely blog I stalk. :o)

Here is an article from one of my favorite psycho’s John Rosemond. If you looked up “old school” in the dictionary, there would be a reference to John and his ideas about parenting. I am copying and pasting a recent article:

“Column – 9/22/09
Living with Children
John Rosemond
Copyright 2008, John K. Rosemond

“Well, I mean, I’m the nurturer, right?” she said.

I was talking to a mother about a disciplinary issue she was having with one of her children when she made some comment concerning her overall approach to parenting. I asked why she felt the way she did, and the above remark was her response.

“Are you asking me a question or giving me information?” I asked.

That caught her off guard. After a few deer-in-the-headlights moments, she said, “Well, I guess I’m giving you information. I feel like it’s my job to be the nurturer.”

That told me why she was having discipline problems with her child. After all, The Nurturer doesn’t demand proper behavior of her children. She nurtures. It occurred to me that this woman was speaking for many if not most mothers of her generation, women who have put themselves in a box that prevents them from being a disciplinary force for their children to reckon with.

Yes, mothers are supposed to be nurturing, but then, so are fathers. But being nurturing when nurturing is called for and being The Nurturer are two very different things. The former is all about being flexible, open, sensitive, adaptable. Courtesy of the latter self-definition, a mother paints herself into a corner.

My mother was nurturing, but she was also demanding (of certain things), intolerant (of certain things), inflexible (when it came to certain things), and even downright scary at times (about certain things). I knew she loved me, but I also knew better than to cross certain lines she had drawn in the sand. In that regard, my mom was like most moms of her time. I am a member of the last generation of American children who were afraid of their nurturing mothers. Today’s Nurturer is afraid of her children. Most of all, she is afraid of their disapproval. She is also constantly afraid that she is not living up to some standard of good nurturing, which involves never being demanding, intolerant, inflexible, and scary.

By the way, being scary is not synonymous with screaming or other symptoms of cerebral meltdown. It is communicating to one’s children a calm and powerful determination to this effect: You ARE going to accept your responsibilities, do your best at all times, treat others with respect and dignity, accept “no” for an answer, and control your uncivilized impulses. This is not accomplished by losing control. It requires control, which a mother who denies herself the right to make those demands of her children-that is, a mother who defines herself as The Nurturer-is likely to lose on a regular basis. Then she feels flooded by guilt because losing control is not nurturing. She atones for her guilt by doing some act or acts of Extreme Nurturance, meaning she lets her children know that she is available to walk all over whenever they want a doormat.

It is supremely ironic that over the past forty years or so, women have stepped forward and claimed authority in the military, education, churches, corporations, politics, and the professions and have been persuaded to all but completely abdicate their authority over their children. The further irony is that women enforce this ubiquitous state of maternal powerlessness on one another. Heaven help the mother who, in front of other mothers, focuses a calm scariness on her misbehaving child. She will not be informed of the next play date. Her exile will last as long as it takes for her to come to grips with what it means to be The Nurturer.

The last and most ironic of ironies is that these same mothers worry about the effect of peer pressure on their teenage children.”

I received his first book, New Parent Power when Noah was born in 2003 and continue to refer to it. He has written numerous books all with the same empowering message. For me that message has to do with children making choices (good and bad) whether we do the “correct” thing or not. He came to our MOPS group once and I met him, getting to ask him a question or two about Noah. He was very down to earth and his answer surprised me and it made me begin to think about my child in an entirely different way. In my opinion, this brief article paints a broad, but accurate view of today’s mom. Jason has wondered aloud why I am so hard on myself when it comes to being a mom and this is a good example of why. There is such conflict with what is right or what is right now.

Going to school directly from the house I go up County Line Rd. This road is more of a highway and although the speed limit is 40/45, almost everyone goes 60. Jason was pulled over by a State Trooper some time ago for speeding. He got a warning because he pulled his “good guy card” aka concealed weapons permit, but that’s when we realized what the speed limit actually was. I paid more attention and began to slow down on this road. There is not a school or sidewalks or any sort of pedestrian traffic, so this road should seriously have a higher speed limit, but it doesn’t.

What I have noticed (taking time to slow down and smell the strawberry fields) is cops passing me at 60 mph. Multiple cops on different occasions without flashing lights going 60 or more. This makes me angry especially because I am still bitter about the last speeding ticket I received. It has been awhile since I have driven County Line Rd, but yesterday morning Jason was sweet enough to take Nora to school, so I could leave straight from the house. I was driving along (la la la) when I see lights behind me. Oh no! I wasn’t speeding…that much. I get over into the right lane and he passes me. Okay… Up ahead he turns them off and turns right into a parking lot with two choices, McDonald’s or Advance Auto Parts. Where do you think he was going? Now I know that there could very well be official police business at Advance or maybe he just needed his morning cup of Joe like the rest of us, but come on, he doesn’t need to speed and definitely doesn’t need his lights flashing.

Police people are to protect and serve. I personally call speed traps fundraisers, but still pay them like a good citizen. As a redneck would and has said in the past, “Wake up America!”

We went last night to a school event where we got to meet with the teacher and ask questions. We met in the cafeteria first to view a presentation about the SBAR which basically means that the kids are no longer graded, but evaluated. They no longer get letter grades, but marks indicating if they have achieved the standards set up by the Next Generation Sunshine State Standards board. I actually like this better because it seems like the children are evaluated on a more individual basis rather than whether they are smart or not. We will see how it goes.

Noah has an agenda book that he brings home for me to sign every day. He gets either a green, yellow or red face which shows whether he has followed the rules that day or not. They also get Whiz Kid tickets for being, responsible, respectful etc. He has gotten a ticket so far for being responsible. He has gotten mostly green smiling faces, one yellow unsmiling, but not frowning face and one big red sad face. I basically stayed on red and remember many a trips to the Principal’s office at this age. Noah, however, wants to stay on green. I didn’t care. How to handle this? Kids are allowed bad days just like anybody else. I want him to understand the importance of following the rules and being respectful to his teacher, but also understand that staying on green every single day is unrealistic.

The teacher gives many warnings (of course) and doesn’t like to give red faces. I disagree with this approach, because if Noah gets warnings he will push you over the edge. He will dance on that red face line simply because he can. I am thinking of mentioning this to the teacher. I want to be a supportive parent, not one that says, “how dare you send him home with a red face”. If he earned it, he needs to deal with those consequences.

Another thing I have been thinking about is Kidcare. Kidcare is great! The teachers are super nice and he says he likes it, but it seems to be too much. He gets home and is beyond tired. He is beyond cranky. After looking at his schedule last night and seeing what he does every single day I understand why. On Monday Nora was sick again. (I don’t think I have gone to work on a Monday in three weeks!) Noah has wanted to ride the bus home, so I called the school and told them that he would not be staying for Kidcare and he would be riding the bus home. He loved it. He didn’t get off when he was supposed to and was the last kid on the bus, but he loved it. I would like for him to be able to come home after school at 3pm every day. That day he wasn’t overly tired and was very pleasant. We got to spend time together, I cleaned up the house and the kids got to help with dinner. This was a much better process.

I have to work. We are a two income household and we have bills and a wedding to pay for. There is a balance though. Yes, my kids have to be in daycare and that is what is best for our family, but does Noah HAVE to also go to Kidcare or can we rearrange our schedules to take better care of him? This would give me 6 less hours of pay and make things a little more difficult for Jason on Wednesday nights when I have school, but I think we can work it out. I haven’t yet made a decision, but I know which way I’m leaning.

We recently took the kids to the park, Common Ground, or as we like to call it the Butterfly Park. It is such a neat park. The only thing typical about this park is the slides and the swings and even these have a “twist”. It is a very large park. You really can (and some have) lose your child there. It is ALWAYS packed and loved by the community.

They have put up a small tent with real butterflies in it. They have some neat plants in there too, but it is small enough that kids can get up close and personal with the butterflies. Naturally some our dead because of this- the butterflies, not the kids- but still a very neat thing that I hope they don’t continue for too long. I don’t subscribe to Peta, but there isn’t anyone guarding this tent, so the butterflies are at the mercy of individual discretion.

Sadly, we don’t get to the park often. We are usually at family’s houses playing in the pool or at home playing in the dirt. My children are in school everyday, but I am not with them, so I don’t get to see how they interact with other kids. Noah has been allowed to do things by himself more lately. For example: at the park I watched him run to the bathroom (all the way across the park) to go pee by himself. I could see him the whole time and it is a single bathroom, but still scary (for me). He recognizes that this is abnormal and I am seeing how he does with a little more freedom. On his way back to me from the bathroom he stopped to play a moment with a kid. This kid was a rocker with a mohawk! Totally cool dude. Noah did an awesome move (or so mohawk boy thought) and congratulated him while offering his hand for a high-five. Noah knows what a high-five is and has done it before, but he just didn’t high-five him, totally left him hangin’. I thought this peculiar and asked for a high-five from Noah when he returned to me. He just sortof looked at me. I explained to him what it meant and that the other little boy had wanted to high-five him.

I then watched Nora taking turns to slide down this crazy-rolling-slide-thingy. One boy went and then because it is a wide slide Nora and another younger boy were about to go. Nora turned to him and said, “it’s not your turn, it’s mine.” Completely polite. Informing him of the way things run around here. lol She went and then he went and all was well.

These may seem like minor instances, but in the way that people interact with each other speaks volumes. It is neat to see how people speak or touch each other. (Not like that…gross!) Mainly you can tell if they respect that person and/or themselves. I am taking an office administration management class and the introductory chapter was talking about how email has changed a lot of things. I think email has changed the way we interact with each other. Email has made people more bold in their words and less respectful. Myself included. Email is easier because it doesn’t take a full on discussion and really only half your brain. The way words are written can either offend or encourage and it is up to the reader to take it either way. In a spoken conversation with someone, they get your body language, your eyes, the way that you may possible touch their hand or shoulder. Not to mention the human touch response. I think we are like cats and dogs sometimes, needing our bellies rubbed.

I liked seeing Nora express herself politely without any help from me and enjoyed this insight into her personality. The same with Noah. I think Jason has been a very good influence on them. He is the epitome of self control and is almost always patient you can hear it in his voice. I think it is good for them to see how we interact too. The one thing I am wanting to help Noah develop is perseverance. He gives up too easily. In games, in learning words. He’s like, “just tell me so we can move on”. Perseverance is not a fun thing to learn, but oh how it will help him throughout life! I am also finding that Noah is a visual person. He gets a lot of his information that way. It will be neat to find ways to show him that perseverance is pertinent to life. And by neat I mean pain in the booty!

I finished Noah’s scarf! Yay! While I was visiting my good friend Syndi in Indiana I came across this very neat yarn that was very soft and oh-so-colorful. :o) I immediately thought of Noah and since it was very inexpensive snatched it up.

I did a very simple stocking stitch slipping the first stitch as I went along. When did I find the time? During church! lol Our Pastor is very easy going and while he teaches us, I knit. He is not very long winded, but I could get a good 4-5 inches done. I don’t think Jason likes me knitting in church, but I am still listening to the message! I am a very good multi-tasker… Here are a couple of pics!





Noah has watched me make it surveying my progress each week and I hope it will keep him warm this winter and show him tangibly how much he is loved. :o)

Well, the busyness continues! This whole weekend was not spent at home. We even got a date night Sat night thanks to grandma. :-)

I would like to say that Bobby decided this week to leave ElectroNerdz, Inc. He relinquished his shares to Jason and after the “brain dump” session of all of his knowledge being thoroughly recorded he is no longer with the company. So far things are amicable and if he is needed he will make time to help us out. Otherwise, he has moved on.

We spent most of Saturday cleaning and organizing the Tech area at the office. We reacquired a workbench and quickly put it to good use. We put up and took down a few things from the walls as we are in the process of getting some neat art work and the walls are now waiting patiently. It feels good to get things “just so”. Jason has some goals for the next few weeks that he is trying to obtain and I am very excited for him.

The last few months have been ripe with knowledge and growth for Bobby and Jason (me too, but I don’t count). They have been trying to wrestle with their vision for the company and equally related the dreams for their personal lives. I hear a lot from Bobby about what he wants in both areas. Jason, however, was still processing. Finally, on our date last night I got to listen to what Jason and only Jason wants for his company. It is very different from what Bobby had envisioned. The picture he painted for me is very much like Jason. It is simple and comforting. It will be a place that the employees want to come to work and customers will be taken care of in every aspect. I know with Jason’s commitment that this dream for his company will come to fruition. He is always positive and from what we have seen with the Kia- *eyes rolling* persistent. I respect and admire him more for what he would like to create and what it will mean for us as a family. I am excited to accompany him on this journey. I was excited to hear that he has a place in mind for me, besides the President’s wife. ;-)

This weekend was spent in closure of one door and opening another. There is now more work to do (Bobby was a level 2-3 tech and took care of a lot of things like the data center) for Jason, but also (I think) more enthusiasm.

Since Jason and I were pretty busy this weekend, Nora and Noah relearned how to play well together and the baseboards at the office are pretty clean too! We had the fam (Carrie, Edd, and Grandma) over for a game of Uno tonight and had a really good time. Tomorrow the kids are home and we plan to take them to the park for some well earned kid time! I also plan to teach them the game Twister. Hopefully another fun day will be had by all.

The way the world works seems to be a bit of a secret sometimes. We like to think that our needs and desires to be different and do things differently will pave the road to our success. These desires and the perseverance to obtain the goals we have set forth do not guarantee success. The thought that things will work out differently because we are “it” or “special” are immature thoughts that when tested will prove as fragile as the insecurities they are built upon.

Each of us has an idea about how the world works based upon how we were raised and our limited experiences. No one can tell us differently, even if the words are cloaked in Christianity. Revelation comes (hopefully) when we are ready and never before. Swimming up river may seem like the best idea because going down river is what everybody else is doing. We may choose to keep doing something that hurts us by shutting our minds to the reality of a person or lifestyle. We may choose to keep hurting someone by shutting our minds to the real reason we continue to do the things that hurt them. That reason may be too painful to face, but it will eventually come to light.

Freedom comes in living in reality. While living in fantasy our actions are hard to control and our future is never certain. (As certain as the future can be.) We go back and forth with the emotions or circumstances that crop up because each emotion or obstacle creates a different set of rules. I have faced many challenges while going to school. Each time a deal breaker came up my first reaction was never the best reaction because that first reaction was to flee from pain. Pain is a part of life. We cannot escape it. The best decision was always made by waiting and deciding the best course of action. Sitting in the pain for a little while. Then, when the decision was made it was made with commitment to whatever the consequences would be. I had thought through and knew what those consequences could be, both good and bad, and in light of those consequences made the decision.

I have seen people make the same choices over and over and those decisions have almost always been made while fleeing from pain or on the tails of hypothesized pain. Out of the pot and into the fire. Making choices like this leaves no room for taking responsibility for the decisions made. When you own your situation and all of the consequences with it, only then can you make healthy decisions.

But then there is always Jeremiah 29:11 and the thought that you always end up where God was leading you anyway one way or another.