Life and Loves

So, as I have been pondering a few things, I feel the need for more information. I started blogging in 2006 when we moved to Pennsylvania and I was pregnant with Nora. It was a great way to keep friends and family in the loop and also a writing release. A lot has happened since then and I seem to have come across a stumbling block. I have lost a bit of focus. I still enjoy sharing pictures and whatnot and still write because I need to, but do I need to share these thoughts with the world? What is the benefit of my blogging to me and to those (4) of you who read it? Is it a funny story? An update to my life? A practice in grammar, punctuation and face-making?

This brings me to my question.

Who are you and why do you read this little-bitty blog?

It is very simple to leave a comment and I would appreciate if you would answer those two questions for me. I don’t have to “publish” the comments. Just let me know that you’d like your comment to be private. This may be unusual to you blog stalkers. ;o)

Thanks for your help!

Last weekend we had a family party for Noah, just the fam. But first we took him bowling.

Here are a few pics of Noah’s first time bowling. He absolutely loved it!

We decided to take Noah’s training wheels off his bike this weekend. He’s big enough and capable enough to learn to ride without them.

Noah gives up easily. Soon after beginning a difficult task he quits. He does not know what it means to persevere. Since perseverance is a necessity in life, I hope to be able to teach him this skill sooner rather than later. Learning to ride his bike without training wheels is a perfect opportunity.

We started Saturday with me holding the back of his seat almost the whole time as he got used to balancing and controlling the direction in which he was going. I noticed that he was awkward with the bicycle. He hasn’t had much opportunity to ride even with his training wheels on in the past year. The bike seemed heavy and like it was controlling him rather than him controlling it. He cried a lot yesterday and we soon went inside. I told him that we would NOT be putting the training wheels back on.

Today he was ready to try again. It was a little bit different today. He was more comfortable with the bike and accepted the fact that he would tumble over almost every time. I was surprised at how quickly he caught on. He gained confidence, so I decided that I would hold on for a moment as he got going and then I would let go. We did this for a while and got to the point that I would only steady him before he took off. I cannot describe the sheer joy of watching him take off all by himself and ride his bike without training wheels.

Nora at the same time was learning to ride her big girl bike WITH training wheels. Peddling at this point is difficult because going backwards puts on the brakes. Nora just cries and says “I can’t” until hopefully you do it for her. We basically ignored her until she got the hint that no one was going to help her and she did it herself. So we are almost to the point of riding bikes together. I told Noah once he learned to ride without training wheels, we would get him a new, bigger, cooler bike. :o) Perseverance has its rewards.

Oh nice cool weather these past few days! Love it! We got to wear sweaters! Such a treat! lol

It is about mid-semester. I’ve chosen my classes for Spring Term. I am making it through, grumbling all the way. We have lots going on! Sheena and Charley are coming to visit for a few days! I hope they bring colder weather with them. Sheena and I will do some Bridesmaid dress shopping! That should be fun. She’d better look good in Sage (all I’m sayin’). Jason is going on a “primitive hiking trip” at the end of the month with his friend Clark from church. Primitive as in 30 miles and no bathrooms. :oP It gave him an excuse to buy a new toy. A solar cell phone charger. He got it from Amazon and it came in a Japanese box! English was the second language and they didn’t translate well. The last line said, “do not throw batteries everywhere”. Ok…

The kids are on Christmas break from Dec 18th through Jan 5th. At this point Patrick will be picking them up on Dec 19th and keeping them for most of the break. Jason and I are planning a road trip during that time period. I have yet to meet his grandmother who lives in Rhode Island and doesn’t drive or fly. I met his sister Trisha who lives in Illinois, on Skype a while back, but she is having a baby boy in November and we would like to go see her. We haven’t worked out the details, but we plan to drive to Rhode Island, to Illinois, to Pennsylvania (to see my great aunt and uncle) and to Ellwood City, PA to pick up the kids and bring them home. It’s about 5,000 miles round trip. We are planning a stop in NC on the way home. I am hoping to possibly stop in Washington, DC on the way to Rhode Island. My friend Mary lives about 20 minutes from there, so we may be able to bunk with her for a night. I’d like to be able to enjoy the trip, not just endure the driving until we get to our destination.

I once drove from Oregon to Florida, but that was many moons ago. I am looking forward to the trip.

Words:
Peanuts sittin on a RR track
Hearts all aflutter
Along came number 10
Smash! Peanut butter!

My favorite song thus far.

Last Saturday we decided to go feed the ducks at Lake Morton. It has been a while since we have gone. They also had the pumpkins out, so we decided to take a few pics.

Noah took the last one. It wasn’t too hot out and it was nice to be outside enjoying each other’s company. We went to check out the Terrace all set up for a wedding beforehand. It got me so excited to see it set up! Jason and I were able to get a date night Saturday evening too. We went and saw Zombieland and then to dinner. It is so nice to go out and remember that we are a young couple! I got the ribs and couldn’t help but have flashbacks to the movie. :oP

Separating from Patrick and getting divorced was difficult financially. I was blessed enough to have a $10 and hour job and help from the state. I had very few choices. I HAD to work, therefore I HAD to put the kids in daycare. I HAD to make more money for the future of my family, so I HAD to go to school. Life was very simple. I HAD to stay home most of the time because I did not have a vehicle, so it made taking care of the house much easier. I did a lot of things because these things needed to be done and I was the only one doing them.

Life changed and got more complicated. We live with Jason now, operating as a family. I still work and I still go to school, but I can now (and sometimes must) take night classes. There is someone else responsible for keeping the house clean besides myself. My job has changed. I have a very flexible schedule at work, but am responsible for more in job duties and feel more responsible in the fact that it is now a family business and both Jason and I’s livelihood. Also, Noah started Kindergarten.

I guess the HAVE to is decreasing. I don’t HAVE to work so much and I don’t HAVE to take as many classes. Jason takes very good care of us. I need to work to pay my bills and I want my degree sooner rather than later (plus I still receive the Pell Grant and won’t forever). I am struggling a little bit with choosing my course load. I wanted to be done earlier than the projected 2013 and have tried to take on more and more classes each semester. I am finding that it takes away from every other aspect of my home life for me to take on so much. It is a sacrifice I am willing to make if I have to, but I don’t necessarily HAVE to. Noah stays after school in Kidcare until I can pick him up after work, which is usually after 5pm. We get home cook dinner, bath, bed. Every night. There isn’t a whole lot of time together. Weekends are spent finishing up homework not because I put it off, but because it takes most every night and all weekend to get it done. That doesn’t leave much time for housework or quality time with the family. Thankfully I can do laundry sporadically and Jason takes care of the dishes every night!

I could take Noah out of Kidcare and pick him up at 3pm every day after school. It would cut my hours back and would mean that I would be the only one able to pick him up after school. Jason would not be able guarantee that he would be done working that early and it is not in his best interest to quit working that early anyway. My reasoning is that Noah is super tired after school and emotionally drained from such a long day. I also want to be more available to him. He is getting older and if I am going to be of any influence it won’t be during the dinner, bath, bed routine. Even as I write that I know it sounds ridiculous. I know that he knows I love him and I am available to him if he needs me. If I worked for another company I would be working 8-5 and there would not even be an option of picking Noah up early. I wonder if it is just the classic case of trying to be a mom and a wife and have a career? Trying to balance it all? It annoys me that all Jason needs to think about and prioritize is his business and himself. He doesn’t see anything wrong with the kids being in daycare all day long. Nora, of course, is fine and will be fine. She’s happy if you just hug her lots and read her a story or ten. Something happens, though, as they get older. A hug isn’t enough. Perhaps things are just adjusting? Something I will continue to roll around in my mind…

Work, School, Kids, Jason, repeat. I have to say again that I will never take online classes again. Never. Yes I am competent enough to work a computer and “do” them, but I don’t enjoy them and I definitely am not engaged in the class, which is half the fun of being in college. I am not doing as well as I would like. I’d like to get A’s (of course), but it is not happening. That makes me incredibly sad.

I have been doing what I have to do and nothing that I want to do, so I skipped out on the last few hours of work yesterday and went to the movies. I couldn’t see Zombieland or Surrogates yet, because I have plans to see those with Jason. I chose to see The Invention of Lying. It is a little bit like The Truman Show, but not Jim Carey funny. They poked fun at Religion a lot, but not to the extreme like Dogma. I kinda think the subtlety was worse. It is one of those movies that rolls around in your head for a few days. The parts that were neat to me was when they would say, “Hi, how are you?” the characters said how they were doing. The movies were all nonfiction movies, like the invention of the fork or the Black Plague. There really wasn’t any creativity and no marketing what so ever. There was a bit of an alternate universe feel to the movie. It was brutally honest, but also very shallow. If you don’t like someone, you don’t have to pretend you do and risk getting to know them.

It seems to test the theory that honesty is a key ingredient in intimacy. Being brutally honest all of the time can sometimes build a wall. I’m not saying lie, lie, lie! I am saying that maybe keeping your mouth shut is the best answer. It is all very sticky feeling. Everyone is an advocate for honesty. No one chooses to be lied to, but sometimes wouldn’t we prefer to be lied to? I had an idea in my head that I am a horrible cook. I TOLD Jason the first couple of times I cooked for him to LIE to me, even if he hated it to tell me he loved it. He did (either or) and as my confidence got better, so did my cooking. I don’t always cook a delicious meal, just ask the kids, but I’m realistic about it. I guess that’s what I got out of it. There is lying and then their is realism.

Realism- 1. interest in or concern for the actual or real, as distinguished from the abstract, speculative, etc. 2. the tendency to view or represent things as they really are. I wonder if I have subscribed to the religion of realism. My understanding of God is always changing depending on the circumstance, but I have reached a level of “maturity” that I feel like I know enough. This also makes me sad. I do not know it all, but I know enough not to backslide as I have in the past. I wonder if this is what lukewarm feels like? I am not challenged except in relationships and it is a bit of a “been there, done that” feeling. I know that there are hills and valleys and wonder if I am camping out on a plateau somewhere. Even as I write this, I know that something will happen to answer my questions.

This is what I have been driving:

Jason bought this car for $500 last December. He was excited because it is stick-shift (and cheap). I was just happy to have a car to get me back and forth to school.I am extremely grateful for this vehicle. Jason put a lot more money into it when numerous things broke on it and his perseverance had the Kia lasting this long. The most recent thing to break was the alternator. I was constantly scared that it was going to break down on the Interstate on the way to school. The a/c was funky, so half the time I was boiling as hot as the car was. Still, I am extremely grateful for Jason and the Kia.

A new day has arrived. Six months ago we began to look for a newer vehicle. The situation is, I have bad credit and Jason has good credit, but already has a vehicle loan. We are not married. We tried and failed to get a Chevy something or other, so I decided I would drive the Kia until it dies! By then I would be able to clean up my credit and the 30 mpg would continue.

The Kia has about had it. Looking at my finances, a car payment under $300 is doable. We had looked at my Uncle Joe’s lot to see what he had six months ago, but he didn’t have what we were looking for at the time. I looked at his website last week and called him up. He said he could get me into a great car and recommended the Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo. I was unsure about a Jeep, but trusted his 20+ years of experience.

We went to Mount Dora (where the car lot is) Saturday to have a look at it. He had already pre-approved us, so now we just needed to take a look at it and decide. I really liked it. It’s a V6 SUV and it has all of the bells and whistles. Leather, Moon Roof, Power everything. A large back seat to fit a third car seat in and a large space in the trunk area. We test drove it and besides an oil change, it seemed to be in good condition. We told my uncle we’d take it! Yay!!


I am so relieved to have a good working vehicle. I am not very excited about having a car payment, but it was time. Now when I look out the door I see this:

I wonder how many friendships have been ruined by email? I would do a study if I had the time or the energy. Most of my classes deal with how technology has changed management and work relationships. How has it affected personal friendships?

I can write one heck of a shocking email (or so I have been told). One minute you are asking a simple question and the next I have turned around and blasted you, calling you out and bringing everything to light! Whether you wanted to share or not. Whether you were angry or not. You see, I think people hide behind emails. People have become bolder with their thoughts and accusations. Things you might not say to their face you can put in an email and add a little :o) to make it all better. Face-to-face interactions are rare and reserved for Sunday mornings.

I now get emails throughout the day on my phone. I could be shopping at Publix and get a horrific email that makes me want to cry or you could receive the same from me, possibly while you’re at the park with the kids. How mean. Why do we need those emails right this moment? It has happened with work emails too. I’m at home or on a lunch break and suddenly I’ve received some bad news and am transported right back into the office. It can wait.

We now have Facebook and Myspace where everyone can keep in touch and know exactly, “what’s on your mind” periodically throughout the day. I never have to call because I already know what’s going on in my friends lives. I know that this person had a tummy tuck, this person went on a cruise, she had a baby, this one sits at home and plays Farkle all day long. No personal interaction necessary. I love it and I hate it. I email, twitter, Facebook and Blog. If you want to know something I have probably already “told you” on my blog. Phone calls become updates because that’s what we’re used to. Highlights only, good and bad.

The only person I really talk to is Jason and we do not email.

In one of my classes it talked about how we now can do more faster. The work force has dwindled over the years because computers make the job faster and easily done by fewer drones. We do so much! And we find new ways to do more with less time! I am taking online classes so I don’t have to drive to school, but I swear I am doing more work! And it is taking up MORE of my time. It’s tricksy I tell you.

The kid’s father can now Skype instead of actually seeing his children. The kids are going to have memories of talking with their father through the computer. I am just so disgusted with the quality. We as a society have mastered quantity and thrown quality out the window.