Life and Loves

retty much the only time I have actual energy is in the mornings/early afternoons. From about 3-4pm on I just want to lay there moaning and groaning. It took about a week of the kids being home to figure this out, so I try to plan to do something with the kids outside early in the day, so we aren’t stuck in the house all day. Although, we do stay in some days too. We do lots of coloring, painting and Play-doh on those days.

I had planned to take multiple trips to the many parks in Lakeland never getting sick of a specific one. We’ve been to three so far; Common Ground, Peterson and today we brought Nora’s bike and Noah’s scooter to Dobbins Park. Before that, we got a few school supplies at Target and some bread for… you guessed it! Feeding the ducks! Okay, so maybe you didn’t guess, but that’s what we did. :o) We went to good ol’ Lake Morton and fed the critters. We haven’t done that in a long time.

We had such a variety of birds come looking for a handout! I tried to explain to the kids that bread for birds was like cookies for us.

There was a beautiful Snowy Egret:

He was very gentle and polite, not like the Ibis that crowded around. This one in particular only had one foot! Freaked me out a little, but he seemed to do fine.

We found a nice spot with a bench and some shade and let the birds come to us. Noah came back to Florida complaining about how much he hated it and how Colorado was soo much better (I wonder where he got that from). I really like Florida. It took me a long time to learn to appreciate it. Yes it is hot most of the year, but we do get somewhat of a winter and it is oh so much sweeter because we have to wait for it that much longer. I especially love downtown. We get a small slice of city life while also being able to enjoy living out in the boonies. Our favorite part is jumping in the pool on a hot day. :o)

ora and Noah returned this past Wednesday afternoon. They had been gone long enough to grow a few inches and get screwed up emotionally. Fortunately, they are still great kids.

We have a few weeks at home together before school starts back for me and the kids. We got the pool set up and have gone in a few times despite the rainy weather. School supplies are super cheap right now and I look forward to this time of year of buying new shoes and backpacks and getting ready for that first day of school.

I noticed something between when the kids were gone and when they returned. While they were gone I felt empty and purposeless. The things I was passionate about got put to the back of my mind and I began to doubt that I could give birth naturally (hey- if there are drugs why not take them if it stops the pain?). When the kids returned a piece of myself that was lost returned, the piece that tells me that I am a strong woman and there are important things in this world to be passionate about. All of a sudden I knew that I could deliver this baby naturally whether or not Jason was fully on board with the whole idea. I’m not sure if my identity is wrapped up in being a mother or if my children are simply a physical reminder of all I have accomplished and the changes I have gone through in my life. Either way, I am happy they are home.

I told the kids that evening that we were having a baby. Nora would like a sister and thought the baby would be here that night. Noah would like a brother and asked if he could name him. (Braun was his first choice, umm, no.) It’s hard especially with Noah when the kids return from their father’s house because Patrick tells them things he shouldn’t. I then have to correct Noah’s thinking as best I can because to allow him to go on believing (what I will call *ahem* lies) is not only cruel, but irresponsible. Sigh.

They did have a good time in Colorado camping and playing with their stepbrother. I know it’s good that they get time with Patrick while they are little. I wonder in what ways having this new baby will change our lives.

*Warning! This is going to be a very whiny post!

wake up in the morning and quite possibly still feel like P. Diddy because I want to puke. I choke down toast or something and sit on the couch ALL DAY. The kids are gone and moving literally hurts. I can smell every little thing as clear as day and let me tell you, it all stinks. I try to eat small meals, but have found no remedies to this awful morning (ha!) sickness that lasts all day. Ginger, tea, peppermint, preggie pops, nothing helps ease the roller coaster in my tummy.

Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who will pick up the house, make his own dinner and forces me to buy random things like nuts at the grocery store (a once loved outing I now abhor).

I keep telling him it’s a girl because this is how sickly I was with Nora. I remember feeling perfectly fine when I was pregnant with Noah. We had thought to keep the gender a surprise, but I think we’ll probably find out (in about 3 months). This will make a few knitter’s happy and I’d like for Jason to see the ultrasound anyway.

At this point I am almost 8 weeks along and am comforted (slightly) by this nausea because it means the baby is getting good hormones and there is statistically less chance of a miscarriage. I’m counting down the days in hopes that this sickness will leave my body around the second trimester. I’m no longer at Starbucks since puking is not conducive to serving customers coffee and speed is no longer my middle name. My manager was surprisingly really cool about the situation even though he is male and could never fully understand the havoc this baby is wreaking on my body. I almost bought this book entitled, “Pregnancy Sucks” at the book store the other day, but I know deep down this too shall pass. Although, I frequently tell Jason that his baby is being mean to me. He’s so proud. :o) He still has a hard time actually saying the word “pregnant”, but he asks how the baby is doing and treats me gently as always. I am one lucky woman to have such a great husband.